How to Honour Your Loss and Embrace Self-Compassion
Written by Therapist Brittany Cray
The holidays are often a time associated with joy, connection, and celebration. But for many, this season can bring complex and often painful emotions, especially for those who are grieving. Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, adjusting to a major life change, or coping with a more nuanced type of grief, the holiday season can be an emotional time, amplifying feelings of loneliness, sadness, and yearning.
Grief comes in many forms, each unique to the experience and context of the individual. Here’s an exploration of some common types of grief that may be heightened during the holidays:
What is Grief?
Grief is a deep sense of anguish experienced after a significant loss—often due to the death of a loved one, but it can also emerge after experiences like divorce, job loss, or significant life changes. It often involves a combination of physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, and even fear about the future. Intense grief can impact physical health by weakening the immune system and may also lead to self-neglect or, in extreme cases, thoughts of self-harm.
Some forms of grief, however, may not always be openly acknowledged or supported by society, creating an added layer of isolation and loneliness.
Disenfranchised Grief
Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that isn’t typically acknowledged or validated by society. This could be the loss of a pet, a close but unrelated loved one, or the grief following an abortion or infertility struggles. Those who experience disenfranchised grief often feel silenced or ignored because society doesn’t view these experiences as “valid” losses. This can lead to feelings of shame, isolation, and even physical symptoms.
Ambiguous Grief
Ambiguous grief refers to the profound sense of loss that’s not associated with a death but with a significant life change, such as the loss of opportunity, relationships, or even identity. It can manifest as sadness, numbness, anger, or even guilt. This type of grief often lacks closure, leaving people feeling misunderstood or dismissed.
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
There is no “right” way to grieve. However, some strategies can help you process your feelings and find a sense of grounding during the holiday season:
Acknowledge Your Loss: Identify what you’re grieving, whether it’s a person, an opportunity, or a shift in your life. Recognizing these losses can help validate your emotions.
Embrace Self-Compassion: The holiday season can bring up conflicting emotions—joy, sadness, anger, and nostalgia. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment.
Stay Connected: Support from loved ones, community groups, or even online forums can provide a sense of companionship and understanding. If you feel comfortable, seek a support group or therapist who can provide guidance and empathy.
Create Rituals or Ceremonies: Consider creating a personal tradition or ceremony to honour your loved one or to acknowledge the change in your life. This could be lighting a candle, writing a letter, or dedicating time to reflect on memories.
Practice Mindfulness and Self-Care: Engage in mindfulness exercises, such as breathing techniques or meditative walks, to help ground yourself during moments of emotional overwhelm.
Seek Professional Support: Therapy or grief support groups can offer additional tools and a safe space to express feelings. For some, reconnecting with a faith community can provide solace and hope.
Remembering Grief as an Ongoing Journey
A common phrase, “time heals all,” may feel disheartening, as it can set an unrealistic expectation that grief will one day disappear entirely. In reality, grief changes shape and may always be a part of us. With support, growth, and self-compassion, we can find ways to build a life around our grief, incorporating the memory and meaning of our losses in ways that allow us to move forward.
We know that grief can feel especially heavy during the holiday season, and we’re here to support you. Take care, lean on your support systems, and remember you’re not alone.
Brittany is currently accepting new clients.
